Whirlwind of emotions!

So yesterday I was called with my test results from the blood taken and the ultrasound. I just about freaked out when they said I was measuring 4.7 weeks and I thought I should be 6. Alright I DID freak out. I called back to make sure I heard them correctly even and I messaged my wonderful doctor :) I hope she forgives me nerves this time around.

So here is what I learned...

1. ultrasound techs really don't know what they are talking about all the time and have misinformation. When I went in she said she's seen blighted ovums with a yolk sac, be definition you do NOT have a yolk sac with you have a blighted ovum.

2. nurses at OB offices need to help calm fears a little better. I asked how accurate the ultrasound was and her reply was pretty accurate. So I freaked out. But after researching some... first trimester ultrasounds can be off by up to a week based on measurements being taken wrong or just not a good position, etc. So my 4.7 could be a 5.7 or something in between... When humans do things there is usually always a margin for error and I wish people could just tell me that stuff cause I forgot about it from my first pregnancy.

3. If you know your O date or a guess close to the day you should calculate your due date based on that... cause it pushes mine FOUR days ahead....which means that my ultrasound could indeed be pretty close or atleast closer to my first thought of it being a whole week off. Days off I can handle much easier.

4. I don't think I will relax until I'm out of this first trimester nonsense. I am hoping once we see a heartbeat it will be better, but not counting on that. I want to be able to HEAR it at home with my doppler :)

5. My HCG level around 6 weeks this time was 2391 which is good :)


So yes I freaked out. Anyone who is reading this who has had a loss will understand completely the nerves, anxiety and worry this all can cause. We know we can't stop it, we know we can't do anything to prevent it, but we fear it every second of every moment. I would rather have dealt with the worst pregnancies in terms of me being sick or ill feeling the entire time or this. But this is what I've been dealt, so instead of morning sickness I deal with anxiety and constant worry. I hate it with a passion, but love the idea of expanding my family too much to toss in the towel now. And I don't wish this feeling on another person out there.